Monday, November 3, 2008

chicken vs. broken glass

Happy election day eve to my U.S. readers. I hope everyone gets out to the polls tomorrow and votes for Barack Obama, the only candidate fit to lead this country out of the incomprehensible mess we're in.

To bring it back to food, a more appropriate topic for this blog, here's David Sedaris on undecided voters:

To put them in perspective, I think of being on an airplane. The flight attendant comes down the aisle with her food cart and, eventually, parks it beside my seat. “Can I interest you in the chicken?” she asks. “Or would you prefer the platter of shit with bits of broken glass in it?”

To be undecided in this election is to pause for a moment and then ask how the chicken is cooked.

I mean, really, what’s to be confused about?

9 comments:

E. Tyler Llindvall said...

Who is this Obama you speak of? He sounds intriguing to me. Am I to assume he's chicken and not the shit laden with broken glass? I believe he would much prefer being called fillet mignon, but, as we all know, airlines don't serve fillet mignon. What airline serves chicken now a days? I do know Delta regularly serves shit with sprinkles of glass on most of their domestic and all their overseas flights. But I'm getting off topic now. I have to go rest up for my voting tomorrow. I can't wait.

Daniel said...

There is now an extra charge if you want the sprinkles of broken glass on Delta.

Lisa said...

Yeah, I think crackers and cheese in a box, or shit with glass in it, are two more appropriate options.

I'm sure David Sedaris flies fancy Air France where rich people dine on chicken.

Anonymous said...

(Groan) Today someone said she wasn't sure (and she was even registered as a Democrat)...
she heard Obama compared to Fidel of all people!! And she wasn't hispanic either....viva!

E. Tyler Lindvall said...

I have a strong suspicion that anyone that claims to still be undecided at this late date are either liars looking for attention or morons or a combination of the two, but mostly liars. I mean, who walks into a voting booth and actually stands there and finally asks themselves, "Okay this is it, who do you think should be president?" I also think if these undecides are liars or morons or a bit of both they probably just won't vote. Laziness oft goes with being a liar and moron -- I should know, I've been accused of being all three many times and frequently all at the same time. I am going to vote though, because I am not lying or being moronic or lazy when Super Obama needs my help. Heroes like us look out for one another. I may need him some day and I would like to look him in the eye and say, "I voted for you," and not have to lie about it. That's how I roll.

Megan said...

I heard it said on one of those allegedly comedic NPR shows the other day that undecided voters are those people who cannot venture outside because, if it's raining, they might stare at the sky with their mouths open and drown.
So it's either crippling stupidity as described above, or else the "undecided" voter lives in a swing state like Ohio or Florida and likes having news reporters camped out on his lawn because he can swipe sandwiches from their catering trucks. I can't believe that wasn't the plot of a Pauly Shore movie in the early 90's.

Lisa said...

Aha! Undecided voters are actually turkeys disguised as humans. Totally makes sense now.

Daniel said...

To all you undecided voters who enjoy a good dinner party and now find yourself under assault, my apologies.

We'll have you over fillet mignon when this is all over. That is if you haven't drowned.

McCain voters, we'd invite you, too, but offering you dinner would be too much like spreading the wealth, and we all know what that means...SOCIALISM!!!

Anonymous said...

daniel is funny.

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